Above all, listen. Listen to what people are saying, and listen for what they are not saying.
Ben, a brilliant project manager, was demoted despite the fact that he always completed projects within budget and on time. His colleagues and clients thought he was abrupt, critical and aloof.
Effective communication increases our career advancement opportunities, enhances our self-esteem, nurtures relationships and helps us manage stress.
When we communicate effectively and feel understood, work□and life□are satisfying. We feel in control, valued, trusted and respected.
Are you an effective communicator?
Answer "yes" or "no" to the following.
Listen attentively to what colleagues say.
Feel empathy for associates.
Know how people with different cultural backgrounds or learning styles generally react in given situations.
Say "No" when others take advantage of me.
Respect others' opinions even if they differ from mine.
Recognize others' contributions.
Summarize what I hear others say during a conversation.
Two or more "nos" suggest you could enhance your communication skills.
Some tips:
Respect others and value their opinions. Respect is a key ingredient in nourishing relationships and creating a just society. It requires trust, equality, empathy and connectedness in all kinds of relationships.
Practice listening. Attentive listening is an active process. It requires energetic participation, openness and receptivity. Sometimes it requires intense conversation; other times it requires being silent.
Practice the following active listening skills:
Clarify. Ask questions when you're not clear about something. This will enable you to get more information and demonstrate your interest and concern. "Please tell me more about that." "Can you give me an example?"
Some people feel threatened by questions, so be gentle and supportive. Be careful with "why" questions. Instead of, "Why do you want to take a night course?", try "Is there something special you want to learn?"
Reflect content. Summarize what you hear the person say to correct misunderstandings.
Reflect feelings. Let the person know you hear the emotional content.
Listen between the lines. What's the person feeling but not saying? Try empathy. "If I were experiencing that I would feel sad."
Learn to be assertive. Stand up for your rights in a friendly way. State your perceptions, share your thoughts and feelings, and make your needs and desires clear.
Watch your body language. When speaking to others, maintain eye contact. This conveys honesty and confidence. Speak in a level, modulated voice.
Avoid grimaces, lip biting, fidgeting. Relax your arms and legs, stand tall.
Stick to the facts. Avoid words like "always" and "never." These seldom describe reality and often elicit defensive reactions. Make specific requests rather than complaints. If you want a clean office refrigerator, say: "What can we do to keep the refrigerator clean?" This will initiate more constructive action than, "Look at the dirty, smelly refrigerator. It hasn't been cleaned for a year."
Establish appropriate limits for your personal and professional life.
Separate the person from the task. Say "No" to the request without rejecting the requester. If the requester persists, say: "I understand your need, I just can't take on any more right now."
Recognize individual differences. Gender, cultural background, birthplace, occupation, learning preferences and personality types are just a few factors contributing to different communication styles. Recognizing and respecting differences can reduce misunderstanding, frustration and resentment.
Extroverts, for example, may monopolize conversations, take initiative, and talk without thinking. Introverts, who are more private and think before acting or speaking, may find extroverts rude and annoying. Extroverts may find introverts aloof and detached. Both types could benefit from understanding how others perceive them and modify their communication to accommodate different styles.
Feedback and recognition. Feedback, praise and support are necessary to evaluate performance, achieve feelings of accomplishment, confidence and self-reliance, and enhance productivity. Let others know you appreciate their efforts or achievements. Praise is most effective when it's linked to a specific activity, quality or attribute.
Try working on one communication tip a week. You'll note positive changes in your relationships and career development.